starting new

Today is really hard. Actually, everyday has been really hard lately. It feels physically impossible to get out of bed. When the only thing I feel capable of is playing a game on my phone to distract me from reality. Days where I wonder why I’m still fighting this burden and I constantly repeat “Lord, come quickly.”

Yesterday was my last day at a full-time job. Today I begin “funemployment” – except I have a procedure this afternoon to get an injection in my spine.

I have struggled with mental illnesses and chronic pain since 2006. I try to be open about my mental and physical health, and my goal is to meet you in the trenches and let you know you’re not alone.

A few things you should know about me regarding my illnesses:

1. I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and mild post-traumatic stress disorder.
2. The above mental illnesses resulted from a back injury when I was 19: torn ligament, herniated disc, and stress fractures at the L5-S1 level (lower back). A recent MRI showed a herniated disc and degenerative disc disease.

A few things that make me happy despite my disability:

1. My husband Tyler is my favorite person. He complements me so well.
2. I am obsessed with my cats. They’re perfect and you can’t tell me otherwise.
3. I cannot survive without coffee.
4. Tyler and I enjoy sampling craft beer. It’s a fun hobby.
5. I have a great support system of my family and friends.
6. I love Cleveland sports and the Ohio State Buckeyes.

I’m an incessant people-pleaser, so I always avoided a blog because I am worried anything I write might be met with criticism, which paralyzes me with fear. Are you familiar with the Enneagram? I’m a type 9. I will always try to make peace with others and do anything to avoid conflict. But lately I have felt called to write and share about my struggles, hoping to make a difference.

What brought you here? I’m so glad you spent the time to read this. I’d love to get to know you more!