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starting new

Today is really hard. Actually, everyday has been really hard lately. It feels physically impossible to get out of bed. When the only thing I feel capable of is playing a game on my phone to distract me from reality. Days where I wonder why I’m still fighting this burden and I constantly repeat “Lord, come quickly.”

Yesterday was my last day at a full-time job. Today I begin “funemployment” – except I have a procedure this afternoon to get an injection in my spine.

I have struggled with mental illnesses and chronic pain since 2006. I try to be open about my mental and physical health, and my goal is to meet you in the trenches and let you know you’re not alone.

A few things you should know about me regarding my illnesses:

  1. I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and mild post-traumatic stress disorder.
  2. The above mental illnesses resulted from a back injury when I was 19: torn ligament, herniated disc, and stress fractures at the L5-S1 level (lower back). A recent MRI showed a herniated disc and degenerative disc disease.

A few things that make me happy despite my disability:

  1. My husband Tyler is my favorite person. He complements me so well.
  2. I am obsessed with my cats. They’re perfect and you can’t tell me otherwise.
  3. I cannot survive without coffee.
  4. Tyler and I enjoy sampling craft beer. It’s a fun hobby.
  5. I have a great support system of my family and friends.
  6. I love Cleveland sports and the Ohio State Buckeyes.

I’m an incessant people-pleaser, so I always avoided a blog because I am worried anything I write might be met with criticism, which paralyzes me with fear. Are you familiar with the Enneagram? I’m a type 9. I will always try to make peace with others and do anything to avoid conflict. But lately I have felt called to write and share about my struggles, hoping to make a difference.

What brought you here? I’m so glad you spent the time to read this. I’d love to get to know you more!

6 thoughts on “starting new”

  1. I hope your back starts to feel better. I’m sorry you have so many problems. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

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  2. Proud of you for taking this step! You have so much to offer the world and I hope your new adventure helps others to see that, too. I would add to your list of things you are is a beloved child of God! Hugs!!!

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  3. I’m so proud of you! You are brave and courageous and I envy your ability to be so open and willing to share your private thoughts with so many. I hope this blog meets all your expectations and then some. You will touch many people, of that I have no doubt. Life gets crazy and I haven’t kept in touch like I should but I will always wish the best for you!! Love you lady! 💗

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  4. You are so good at putting your words on paper. Did you ever consider writing a book. I’m so glad you are using your special talents to help others that are dealing with health issues. Love you.

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